Slowerville

9/18/2006

2006-09-18T16:27:00.000-05:00

Well, the team lost, but at least I had fun. I went to L.A. with the band to watch Nebraska at USC. The trip was fun, if a bit hectic due to air travel. We barely slept, hardly drank, and didn't even care. It was just fun to be there with 50 friends. I was impressed with how hard the players fought, but I thought it seemed like our coaching staff didn't want to win. We have the offensive capabilities and the plays in our playbook to have made a game out of it, but Callahan just kept trying to force the run. One of the most important qualities in a football coach is the ability and audacity to let your nutsack hang, and while I like Callahan, I think he lacks that. Another important quality for football coaches is the gift of gab, or at least swagger. In interviews I've seen, he just doesn't seem to be able to make an audience want what he wants. I wonder about his ability to light a fire under the team, although it is obvious that our players have fight in them.

I had fun, and we did manage to hold USC to 28 points, which may not happen again this year.

Facebook.

2006-09-07T10:21:00.000-05:00

Everyone's complaining about the new setup on Facebook. I personally don't really care. The concern is that the news feed seems to invade your privacy. I don't think it's any worse than it already was. People you barely knew were already watching your every move in facebook, you just didn't think about it. Now it's slightly easier to monitor what everyone you're connected to is doing, but it's not like there's more information being given out.
My facebook concern right now is that I decided to put my blog on my "notes." Now pretty much anybody can read my blog. It's not that it wasn't public before, it's just that nobody read it. I felt more comfortable putting feelings and personal things on here because I knew that only a handful of people were reading it. Even if most of them don't read it on facebook, it's just so much more accesible, and I'm having trouble coming up with things I'm comfortable writing.

WooHoo!

2006-08-29T14:13:00.000-05:00

So I was kind of having a shitty day this morning. I guess it started last night, when I had to break and enter to get into my own house after Lindsey dropped me off here. I got sick this morning, I'm splitting the blame three ways - whatever illness I've been fighting, a little too much alcohol, and the fresh bug repellent that rubbed from my bedroom window onto my arm on my way in last night...I even had a red spot from it this morning. So, that, combined with being late for band and a few other slightly crappy things were making this day look like it'd turn out bad. But then Falcone posted the Away Pep Band trips! I get to go to USC, Oklahoma State, and Texas A&M. Because of the new system, I can't go on all the trips, so I'll miss K-State (oh no!) and that will break my streak of going to every game since about halfway through my sophomore year.

That's not all bad though, because it leaves me to host bone-b-q during the K-State game, and it gives some of the younger people a chance to go on a trip. I'm just so excited about how much fun this football season's gonna be that I can't be upset about the crappy beginnings of my day. Woohoo!

Warm Fuzzy.

2006-08-22T09:42:00.000-05:00

So I was gonna write a post yesterday about how much better I was feeling. I had a great weekend, I loosened up a little bit and started feeling better about everything. But before I had a chance to write a post, something happened.

Someone asked me to do something so awesome, I almost cried, and I don't think I've cried since...well, I don't even know. Jenn Harbison and Matt Kozisek, two of my close friends, are getting married, and I will have the outstanding honor of being Kozi's best man. I played a small part in their getting together about four years ago, so I guess you can call me Yenta.

When he told me they were getting married I was ecstatic, very happy that two of my closest friends could be the ones to make one another happy forever. But that was nothing compared to when he asked me to be his best man. My whole body got a rush of some kind of really awesome neurotransmitter. I felt like a tidal wave of emotion had just hit me and taken me under. I've experienced this feeling only a few other times, and it usually corresponds to my brother.

Sorry, this post is probably really poorly written, but I'm just too excited to care.

And so it strikes again.

2006-08-15T01:14:00.000-05:00

I know a lot of people probably think of me as that weird guy they know who's never phased by anything. Not always upbeat, but rarely pessimistic, sad, or angry. That's an accurate perception, but I do sometimes have short burst of sadness.

Whenever I'm single, there comes a brief time when I'm sort of depressed. Stupid things will get me down. Coincidental things like people not having time to come to the get-togethers and parties that I give them little notice on. Or just people like my good friend Jered Hofker who'll soon be wed to a wonderful woman named Aleksis (that's probably mispelled,) or my friends Amy Werner and Rob Salistean who just got engaged. Of course I'm glad for their pending and present happinesses, but I also can't help but think about how helplessly dismal my love life seems to be at times.

It's probably a mistake for me to write this down, but there are probably only three or four moderately sad entries in this blog, and that's probably why nobody reads it.

During these brief times of minor depression, I'm usually not sad or overly nitpickingly contemplative, but I just have a little less spark than usual. My more-than-adequate communications skills sort of tend to go unused - at least for a few days or a week - thus perpetuating the sadness. I still go out and have fun, but sometimes the fun is bittersweet, and other time the fun is more diversionary than hedonistic. Not that either of those words is universally good or bad, but I think most who know me know I'd typically rather have fun for fun's sake than have fun to avoid non-fun.

I'm sure I'll be back to my normal iron-skinned self quite soonly, I think what happens is that sometimes things get underneath the suit of armor, but they don't make it out. Perhaps singleness just opens up enough of a gash in my emotional chainmail to allow some negative energy to be released. If I still have any good karma left, it'll come save the day soon, I'm sure.

Well, I've done it again.

2006-08-12T07:54:00.000-05:00

I've gone and left my blog sit for several weeks, just like I always do. I've left out a whole bunch of lottery events, a break up, and probably some other things that are at least of moderate interest. In my defense, I've hardly had a day off since I last posted. I can come back later and write about the events, because writing about them during ribfest is probably a bad idea, since I'm slightly peeved for having even reminded myself of ribfest.

Rachel and I are no longer together. It had been coming for a long time, I think from both sides. We were fighting, we didn't agree on much, and my being on the road constantly was very bothersome to her. I'll probably be on the road for at least a few years after I graduate, so that conflict was worrisome to me. I also really hated fighting all the time, and the fact that we didn't agree about politics, the future, or money made it hard to avoid frequent fighting. I stand by my decision to end our relationship, despite the fact that I still had feelings for Rachel.

I do not stand by the drunken and Bobby-influenced state and manner in which I broke up with her, but I cannot go back to last week and change it.

--Scott

NebraskaLand Days - North Platte, NE

2006-06-26T23:48:00.000-05:00

NebraskaLand Days is a two week celebration in North Platte, NE - a large town between the North and South Platte rivers. NebraskaLand Days is essentially North Platte's version of (insert town's name here) Days. It is actually a really cool festival, even if Nebraska Lottery's part in it is somewhat lame. NebraskaLand Days includes a Rodeo, a carnival, some big-name country concerts, and lots of sales and promotions, etc. A town of about 25,000 people, North Platte has plenty of restaurants and hotels, etc.

On the way out to North Platte, I called the parents of a friend to see if she'd be around, but she wasn't...I lost her phone number in my most recent cell phone fiasco. By chance, I ended up hanging out with some old classmates of hers.

For the Lottery, NebraskaLand Days was split up into two 1-week events, both of which I was part of. For the first week, everyone worked some of the events. Mana, Klink, and Amanda worked from Tuesday to Thursday. Angie, Benson, and myself worked Thursday through Saturday. JeraLee and Mike worked the whole time. On the second week, Gina, Amanda, myself, and Mike worked Thursday through Saturday while the others covered another event in Omaha.

Instead of setting up on the fairgrounds where the Rodeo, Carnival, and Concerts take place, we used our time in North Platte to do favors for our big reatailers in North Platte. Some of those retailers were gas stations and convenience stores, others were Liquor stores.

It was nice that we got to meet and accomodate some of our retailers. That's about all I can say for the format of this event. Moving the trailer twice a day is a royal pain in the ass. Trying to get a good satellite feed from two different places each day is like trying to win Powerball...it's a nice dream but you can't exactly count on it. Some of our retailers were very nice to us, helpful, and even generous. Other retailers worry about our big trailer taking up their precious parking while we bring them large numbers of customers for three hours. One retailer in the first week even tried to use old and invalid reciepts to claim premiums. Premiums they'd have been given for free if they'd been nice.

BG had some major problems Stayin' Alive. On the way home, the Big Green Van had a blowout on the right rear, which just so happens to be the tire next to the tailpipe. The blown-out tire pinched off the exhuast pipe, causing us to leave it in Gothenburg until week two. The problem turned out to be minor, but it's better to be safe than sorry. Now everyone's afraid to drive BG, and I suppose rightfully so. I belive the drivers plan to put out a driving strike until the van is fitted with new tires.

Despite frequent set-ups, disagreeable retailers, and vehicular strife, I really had a great time in North Platte. The off-the-clock festivities were a great time night after night, and there are many fun stories to tell.

On the first night I was there, Thursday the 15th, everyone was still there, so we all went out together - except Mike and Amanda, who are officially humbugs (not really.) We started our night at the Quality Inn and Suites - a fantastic hotel, if you're ever in NP, by the way - Almost everyone was essentially wasted by 9:00. JeraLee was the worst off, having consumed half a bottle of Bacardi Razz by herself (that's the Rum, not Bacardi Silver Raz, the malt beverage.) Klink was sober enough to drive, so we went to the Rodeo around 10, when we knew it would be about over. After the rodeo was a barn dance - the real reason we came. The band was a very good Country cover band whose name I don't remember hearing. I stayed relatively sober and just enjoyed myself by dancing. JeraLee might be a good dance partner, but she kept knocking her partners over due to lack of equilibrium, so it's hard to say. We attempted to Country Swing and Pretzel, although none of us really knew how. Some 15-year-old boys taught the girls to Pretzel, but Benson was the only guy who partook in dancing with underage girls *ahem*. It was great to be able to hang out with (almost) everyone. We even got to do a few line dances. We might not get that many more opportunities to all hang out together on the road, as there are so many weekends we're double booked. Everyone was too "tired" to hang out when we got back, except Ben, who found some more young women to spend his time with.... We all had a blast and I would definitely go back to the rodeo dance if the opportunity arose in future years.

Friday night we pretty much just hung around the hotel and drank and played games. I've never played a lot of drinking games, so I don't remember exactly what games we played, but I know we played something called tippy-cup, which involved tipping a cup. We also played some card game where you draw a card from a go-fish-esque pile and do whatever the little sheet of paper tells you to do upon retrieval of said card. It was a fun game. Jamie, a friend of Benson's, hung out with us that night. She wasn't exactly nice to me, but I didn't care that much, so I still had a lot of fun. She kept calling me Herbie because I was wearing a red shirt...I guess now that I think about Herbie's body-building physique, I'm not so insulted. Later that night, the motocross guys from the rodeo were on the second floor balcony, so I gave them some bourbon and hung out with them for awhile. They were pretty cool guys, of course, I think that about almost all riders. I gave them some of my Jim Beam before I went to bed. I guess I was just feeling generous...and I didn't know how I was going to get it home without breaking the rules.

Saturday night there were not after work activities, since we had a blowout in the BG. We didn't end up getting back to Lincoln until well after midnight, and we were all very tired. We did end up eating at the Pizza Hut in Gothenburg, where Mike generously covered dinner. We each had a beer, except JeraLee, who "forgot her ID" again. It was great to have Rachel waiting for me when I finally got back to town. I'd had a stressful day involving an eye infection, a blowout, and...well, just general stress.

On the way back out to North Platte for our second round of retailer visits, we picked up the green van. Neither Gina nor Amanda wanted to drive it, and reasonably so. Gina lost the van lottery and had to drive anyway. I rode with her just in case. We arrived in NP without incident, and everything was fine.

The Holiday Inn Express - Mike's hotel - has a manager's reception involving free beer and snacks every weekday from 4 to 7. Amanda, Gina, and I met Mike at the reception and partook in said free beer and snacks. This is where we met Brittany (hope that's the correct spelling,) the girl who'd been serving Mike free beer for the last week. She was a cute little red-head who seemed to have crush on Mike (probably originating in a ploy for a better tip.) After the free beer, we went to a nice-looking Mexican place nearby. The hostess told us the Margaritas were to die for, and we believed her. The waiter not only had never tried the Margarita, but he didn't even know what a Tequila Sunrise was...a bad omen from the get-go. The food took forever and wasn't very good, the service was mediocre at best, and the Margarita was among the blandest I've ever had...I could've made a better one with Lemonade and Montezuma - the wrong citrus and the cheapest Tequila on Earth, for those of you who may not know. I'm sure Angie would've left a mere 20% tip for this experience, but we left maybe 12 or 15 percent...I would say that's pretty generous for such a trainwreck. After dinner we all sort of just went back to our rooms and went to bed. I went to the hot tub at the Ramada - our hotel for week two - and drank a beer before going to bed.

Friday night we ended up "running into" Brittany at one of our event locations. We told her to meet us in Mike's hotel room later that night. I bought some Rum and some Caramel Apple Schnapps at City Discount Liquor - our retailer - and Mike got some Boulevard Wheat. When it came time to walk over the Mike's hotel, the girls opted out of our shindig, so I walked over on my own. I got to Mike's at the same time as Brittany, and I would say the first hour or so was a little awkward, which is to be expected when hanging out with your 27-year-old boss and the 20-year-old girl who has a crush on him. After awhile we loosened up and ended up having a good time. We watched TV, drank a little bit, and talked. I ended up discovering that Brittany and I have some mutual acquaintances, which was fun and interesting. At the end of the night, Mike avoided having to explain that he's engaged, and I had Brittany give me a ride back to the Ramada since I didn't want to walk through the rain in my mildly inebreated state. Brittany was a very nice girl and I think we'll probably see her again when we do other events in the Western half of Nebraska.

Saturday's drive home went off without a hitch, and we even got to stop in G.I. to get some free pizza pizza and see Amanda's boyfriend Chris at the local Little Ceasers. What excellent pizza...food is always better when cooked over someone else's fire.

I'm sure I've missed something or left something out, but that's alright. North Platte was fun, even though there were a few unfortunate happenings.

Comstock Windmill Festival - 3 miles from Comstock, NE

2006-06-22T00:04:00.000-05:00

This is a huge Country Music Festival in the middle of the Sandhills - Nebraska's beautifully unique geological oddity. Working this event were myself, Angie, Mana, and Mike. Acompanying us for setup was the other Scott. I was so excited to go to this one because I've been to 2nd Wind Ranch countless times, but never for the concerts. When I worked for Lincoln Tent, I used to set the tents for this festival, and the two others hosted at 2nd Wind. 2nd Wind Ranch is a unique place renowned for its ability to magnify Murphy's Law - everything that can go wrong will.

I rode up with Scott, one of the guys from Intralot, and since I knew the fastest way to get there, I was the navigator. The drivers of the two vehicles following us complainted about our short stops, but they got over it.

Of course, we couldn't get our satellite dish to work without the help of a tech, who couldn't get there until Thursday, the first day of concerts, but that was no big deal really.

We stayed in Broken Bow, about 35-40 miles from the Ranch, at a wonderful hotel called the Arrow Hotel. The arrow had amazing accommodations in all the rooms - kitchens, seating, large bathrooms, even separate living rooms/bedrooms - well...almost all the rooms. My room as approximately the size of a sardine can with a bathroom the size of an ashtray. I had to practically dance around the bathroom door just to get in the shower. It didn't really bother me, it was just funny that my friends were basically living in penthouses while I lived in a shack. It was a very clean shack with nice bedding and plenty of television channels.

The highlight of the Arrow was The Bonfire Bar and Grill with adjoined Cigar room. We spent every night hanging out in bar and we met some very fun personalities there. We become friends with the entire bar staff, and they're all awaiting our return for Comstock Rock. I'm sure they'll be disappointed when our less fun replacements arrive. Angie kind of had a thing with Jess, one of the bartenders, which was nearly ruined by Josh, the other male bartender. Mana's jarhead friend came up one of the days and stole my lighter. Mike and I played poker with some of the locals, and narrowly escaped an awkward situation with Mindi, a server, when we drove her intoxicated rear-end back to Ansley, a nearby town in which she lives.

I didn't get to see many concerts, but the ones I saw were awesome. I watched Little Big Town perform a few of their songs. They were really great. They're stage presence was pretty awesome for a country band, and they were really nice people...they even signed my Lottery hat. When we got off work on Sunday, Angie, Mana, and myself went to the beer tent and filled up our Lottery Mugs. We then wandered off into the campsites hoping some of our customers would give us a refill, but unfortunately all of them were on their way to Brooks and Dunn.

We made our way back over to the beer tent, refilled our glasses, and went to watch Brooks and Dunn perform. They were amazing. They played great song after great song, really interacted with the crowd, and even told a story about Chris LeDoux. The whole night was incredible. I would even consider paying to see Brooks and Dunn.

We had a great time in Comstock and Broken Bow. If this was any indication of what the rest of the summer will be like, I've found an awesome summer job.

Santa Lucia Festival - Omaha

2006-06-21T23:45:00.000-05:00

The Santa Lucia Festival is a celebration of an Italian Saint - Lucy. I don't know how she became a saint, but I know her festival is pretty kickin'. Working this festival were all of the ambassadors - Angie, Klink, Mana, Mom (JeraLee), Amanda, and myself, along with both IntraLot guys - Bobby and Mike, The Marketing Intern - Ben Benson, and of course, TJ.

There were bands all through the festival, a rather large carnival, beer, and good food. We were told at the begining of the festival that last year the festival was ended prematurely by "tension between rival families," so we were hoping to see some mob personalities, but instead the event was moderately dead, because everyone was afraid of what happened last year.

Right away, almost before we opened, we met our perpetual customer, Rob, the food guy. On the first day, he gave me a cigar...how cool is that. Just up and gave it to me. Throughout the festival he gave us cigars, food, even one of his children. Over the course of the weekend, Rob probably bought $400 worth of $1 Scratch tickets, recieving maybe $150 - $200 of it back. Rob walked away with truckloads - literally - of our free promotional items. He was a stand-up guy and a fun personality.

Some of the bands that performed were downright horrible. Most of them were mediocre. One or two of them were within the range of good to very good. I don't remember all of their names so I'm not even gonna try. TJ hyped the whole festival to us, because he's involved in the planning, and it really was less than great as a festival...nonetheless, with all of us working, we had a great time.

We had a little trouble with the satellite which runs the lotto machine, but of course, not enough trouble to warrant the stress level of Mike. We got it figured out and it was no big deal.

One of the nights, TJ went up to the restaurant (Rick's Cafe Boatyard - a deplorable name for a restaurant...why not Rick's Boatyard Cafe, or even Cafe Rick's Boatyard...anyway) and came back hammered. He played air guitar and hit on the girls (something he does all the time) including Rachel, who came by to visit and pick me up.

Even though we didn't hang out afterwords until the last night, we had a really good time at the event itself.

On Sunday, we decided to celebrate the end of our 60-hour weekend by going out to Randy's Grill and Chill at 48th and Holdredge (48th and Burger King, and Klink describes it) and had a good time. We got pretty drunk because Bobby decided to use his company alcohol budget on us...okay, so it's an "entertainment" budget. After the bar, we came back here to my place and hung out. Jason got a little upset because he had to work the next day, which is reasonable, but we had fun and got even more drunk. We even broke out a little bit of moonshine and lit it on fire for JeraLee.

The moral of the story is this:
Mediocre festival + Awesome co-workers + enjoyable job = great weekend.

Arbor Day, Star City Motorsports, Fremont

2006-06-21T23:18:00.000-05:00

I'm going to combine my first three events. Not necessarily because they deserve minimal coverage, but simply because I have a lot of events to write about this evening.

Arbor Day Parade - Nebraska City.
We went to Nebraska City for the Arbor Day Parade. I thought it was May 29th, but it looks like that was a Monday so I'm not so sure anymore. This was the first day I actually did the job I was hired for. I'd logged a few hours here and there and done one other event for another Lottery division called "The Team," but I'd yet to do the work of an Ambassador. I was eager to learn my duties and meet my coworkers. I met John Klinker and Angie Keegan, fellow Ambassadors, and I re-met Mike Sciandra and Bobby Marmo, who'd been involved in hiring me. The event itself wasn't that great, as I was warned it wouldn't be, but even though we got rained on and our sales were minimal, I had a great time and I began my summer with eagerness and optimism.

Star City Motorsports - Lincoln
This was a three day event, and once again, I had a great time. I worked every day, including the days before and after. The crowd, being city people, were pretty run-of-the-mill, but fun. All of them were bikers, so I was able to identify, and I even rode my motorcycle to the event one day. We sold a resonable amount of tickets and we got to listen to a cool band called the nedrecks. They were an awesome rockabilly group with some originals and lots of good covers. There was free food and even some zoo animals for the kiddies. I met more of my charismatic co-workers - Amanda Swinson, JeraLee Shotkoski, and Mana Farahani - all of them beautiful, intelligent, and fun to work with. The event went off without a hitch, and once again I was told that future events would be a lot more fun, even though I greatly enjoyed myself.

Brady's Grand Reopening - Fremont
This was a one-day event at a big convenient/grocery store in Fremont. It was alright, but not a blast. There were not very many people, and I later learned that the retailer (Brady's) was not all that nice to us. One of the high points was learning that some of my co-Ambassadors were afraid to talk on the radio. Mana, although she's an ambassador and a Jack Daniel's girl wouldn't even talk when the microphone was placed in front of her...I think she said, "Hi." All in all the event was fun because it was our first real taste of the smalltown people we'd be serving in the future.

Travel Blog

2006-06-15T08:21:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone...okay, to be more realistic, hello someone...maybe. I'm taking Slowerville in a new direction - at least for the summer. I'm going to write about my travels as a Nebraska Lottery Ambassador. The Ambassadors program is the Lottery's summer promotion staff, we travel around Nebraska selling Lottery tickets, promoting the Lottery, and having fun with our players. It really is a great job. I'm about to leave for North Platte, I'll be there for a few days for NebraskaLand Days, and I'll come back only to go back to North Platte again.

Dear Blog - I.O.U. four events:
Star City Motorsports - Lincoln
Brady's - Fremont
Santa Lucia Festival - Omaha
Comstock Windmill Festival - 2nd Wind Ranch

Technology

2006-02-02T14:13:00.000-06:00

I really don't like technology. I have to download the readings for my Capstone course on Eigteenth Century British Literature. I have to post on a message board for my English class about literacy. My entire Psychology class is online, and just the other day in Sociology, I had to take a reflex test on a computer, which then went on to tell me I'm not racist.

I understand that the world changes and all that, but I guess I just think there's too much integration of technology with education. Granted, my handwriting is terrible, I can hardly write a two-page paper without a word processor, but seriously...do I have to e-mail my homework to my professors? Seriously?

Aghh!

That's all I got.

Rachel.

2005-12-12T09:43:00.000-06:00

On the Colorado trip, I met this fantastic girl. I wasn't sure if she'd be interested in me, but I thought I should ask her out anyway. Before I could get around to asking her for a date, she sent me a message asking me if I was interested in her. I thought this both comical and fortunate, and I called her later that day. We decided to go out for coffee late that Thursday night.

We went out, had a lot of great conversations, and spent some time together. Now we've spent a lot of time together and I really care for her. I think she's amazing and she really knows how to have a good time. I'm excited to be in a relationship with her, and I want this relationship to be different than mine typically have been. I'm hopeful and happy.

Anyways, just wanted to write something about how great I feel lately and why.

Out of touch.

2005-11-10T11:13:00.000-06:00

The time has come. A time I hoped would never come. I feel I'm losing touch with my roots. I think I need to write something. Something to remind people of who I am, including myself.

The name of this blog is Slowerville. That's because it's my ville of Slowerdom. Greg McKnight (or maybe it was Doug) coined the phrase "Slower" years before he met me. When Greg really got to know me, he decided to give that term to me. It was not intended as a compliment, nor was it intended as anything more than a running joke about my odd priorities, among other things.

I took that name and embraced it. Although I was not the first, I would like to think I am...or maybe I was...the ultimate Slower. I added some things to what it meant, of course. If you really wanna know what it means to me, I don't think I can out-write myself, so read the very first post on this blog. To sum it up: I like to think of myself as a person who lives without concern for the speed at which my peers move, a person who lives according to his own standard of enjoying life and doing whatever it takes to make others happy.

I feel as though I've slowly lost touch with both of those last two things. I feel that over the last couple years, I've managed to hurt many people and upset many others. At one time there was nobody who I disliked beyond redemption, and that is no longer true. At one time I was able to do what made me happy without hurting others. I'm not saying everything I do hurts someone, I'm just saying I've hurt a lot more people than I'd ever wanted or intended to, and that's something that bothers me deeply.

Also, over the last six months or so, I've been unable to sustain my own happiness. This is partially because I'm poor, and there's nothing I can do about that. However, lack of resources is not the only reason. There are other factors, like the fact that many people I once considered the best of friends now no longer trust me or spend as much time with me because I took so much for granted and hurt so many with what seemed like the same mistakes.

I don't know all the factors for either of these problems. Surely the pressure of my ever-pending graduation from college is one. Obviously the fact that I'm too poor to chase my dreams is another.... But the point is, I'd like to find a way to be the man I thought I was again.

Why don't I write this crap on paper?

Stephanie

2005-10-28T10:30:00.000-05:00

I'm scared to lose a friend. A best friend. I care for Steph so much, and we connect very well and always have fun together. Since last Friday, the potential of our relationship has been on my mind. During our trip to Norman, OK last weekend, it seemed to me that we could start over from where we were in March - best friends who realize that they should be together romantically. Along with that, I also wanted to emotionally kind of rewind back to March - to a simpler time where we were undefined and enjoying one another. At the end of our trip, I realized that I'd been failing to really think about Steph's feelings. She's in Love with me. That means we can't start from that casual and unassuming stage, because of the incongruence of our feelings.

A friend gave me some advice on the situation - saying that if we're going to be physical at all, we should be together, and if we're not going to actually be together, it's hurtful to both of us when we make out. She was right, and that brought me to a conclusion that we needed to either be together or be friends. I talked it over with Steph, and we came to an agreement that nothing in the middle was going to work.

Clearly Steph would prefer that we be together, based on her emotions. I took some time to make my decision. I really thought it over. If I had made my decision based on immediate happiness, as I usually do, we would be together today. I decided, however, that because we've spent so much time hurting eachother since August, and because I can never be the rule-following upholder of societal norms that Steph wants to marry, it would be selfish of me to continue to date her just based on the fact that her charm, intelligence, and beauty appeal to me.

Obviously, even though we've actually been broken up for quite some time now, it's still hurtful to think of it really being over between us, at least for a long period of time, if not indefinitely. Also, in order to work through the loss of Love, Steph needs time apart from me, or at least time with less of me in it, and that's sad also, as she's essentially been my best friend and confidant since the beginning of this year, and I deeply care about her and enjoy spending time with her. I understand her need to be seperate for awhile, but it's hard to deal with.

This is what's been on my mind for the last few days...just had to share.

Motorcycle.

2005-09-29T11:18:00.000-05:00

My motorcycle is in the Thrifty Nickel this week, starting today. It seems like maybe I waited too long, based on the weather. We'll see if I get any calls. Truth of the matter it was probably a subconscious desire not to sell it that made me wait this long. It's also true, however that it wasn't ready to sell (it's still not really ready, but oh well.) I've built up such a relationship with the ol' girl that I hate to sell it...it's my first bike. I still have my first car, if that tells you anything...sitting, waiting for me to breathe life back into it. It's so much fun, I just...I just love riding, and I don't want to give it up. Hurt my mother is another thing I don't want to do, but everytime I try to figure out how to not hurt her, I decide it's almost impossible, as there are things I have to do (graduate, get married, breathe) that will almost certainly cause her some degree of pain. I know that doesn't justify keeping the motorcycle I told her I would sell...but again, it's just so much fun. The only other thing I've ever experienced that comes close to the joy of being on two wheels is skiing, and she'll probably try to stop me from doing that this year also, due to my shoulder's tendency to remove itself from it's socket.

Anyways, I've digressed...my whole point is this: I love "Ol' Smokey," and it'll be hard to say goodbye to it.

Censored for the first time...

2005-09-26T00:41:00.000-05:00

Because others are hurt or made uncomfortable by the post "Time to Talk About It," it has been removed.

I feel the desire to give a literal account of the night that post was about, but I think that would be only marginally better than the post I just removed. I did need to write about it, so I'm glad I did, but I see now that actually posting it was a lapse in good judgement.

Stole this from a friend.

2005-09-23T13:37:00.000-05:00

I saw this on a Friend's Blog and thought it was cool, so I ripped it off.

TWO NAMES YOU GO BY: 1. Scott Bennettar 2. Whatever you want to call me ;-)
TWO THINGS YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: Uhh...N/A? Moving on.
TWO THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND: 1. Scott Bennett 2. God's Plan
TWO THINGS THAT SCARE YOU: 1. Fear 2. Poisoned Pizza (I'm not sure I could resist even if I knew it was poisoned.)
TWO THINGS U NEED EVERYDAY: 1. To be connected to some kind of motorized vehicle 2. Food
TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE BRANDS: 1. True Value 2. Disaronno
TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS @ THE MOMENT: I pretty much just love music, but I'll name a few cool songs for the hell of it. 1. Heartbreaker - Pat Benetar 2. My Way - Frank Sinatra
TWO PERSONS YOU SPEND THE MOST TIME WITH: 1. Jason 2. Steph
TWO THINGS YOU CAN'T DO: 1. Stop my meaningless sexual relationship with your mom. 2. Be neat and/or cleanly without a conscious self-contrary effort.
TWO THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW: 1. A car dealership 2. A god damn bowl trip (*ahem* football team.)
TWO CAREERS (BUSINESS) YOU'RE CONSIDERING: 1. Ownership of an Automotive Dealership 2. Salesman of anything...I love sales, and I think an honest person can make a good living without compromising integrity...I also think that whether they admit it or not, everyone's a salesperson.
TWO PLACES YOU WOULD GO ON VACATION: There are very few places to which I would not go on vacation. It's the journey and the company for me, not the place.

Good Listener: Erin

2005-09-16T14:06:00.000-05:00

Erin Allison is a good listener. She and I ate lunch together yesterday. It was of much goodness. She listened as I talked about my complications of late. She's a good listener, and a good friend.

I appreciated your company and your ear, Erin. Thanks for talkin' to and/or eating with me. I hope you get those minor problems that you had sorted out.

Thanks again,
Scott.

The Club.

2005-09-10T01:45:00.000-05:00

There is a little known club at UNL. They don't have meetings or hold elections, although they do have outings occasionally, and they may or may not have a president. Every member of this club is a beautiful woman. All of them are intelligent, fun, and talented people. They share a tight bond and they look out for one-another. This is a group that anyone would be glad to be a part of...well, maybe not.

I don't exactly enjoy my part in this group, however. I guess you'd say I'm their recruiter.

They pay some very high dues, the members of this club. Some of them pay just once, while others of them pay almost continuously. They don't pay money, oh, no...they don't need funds to keep their friendships and bonds alive. They pay in heartache.

The members of this club are the women I've hurt in the last two years. While I never intended to cause pain to any of them, they all endured heartbreak at my hand, and it's hard to deal with the fact that there are so many people to whom I've caused such damage. So many great people, at that.

I'm very hurt right now, as Stephanie and I are no longer together, and initially I felt cheated, because it seems like my pain is secondary to hers (if it's even noticed) on the part of almost everyone around us. But after some deal of reflection, I guess I can kind of understand why most people seem to consider her feelings before mine. For one thing, there are more than enough women who feel as though they're in, or have been in, the same position, (or perhaps wish they'd had the foresight to have been in the position that she's in.) Also, many friends who aren't as directly related as the cardholding members of Scott's Exes Anonymous are also - perhaps rightfully so - uncomfortable with the visible pattern of my recent relationships.

Over the past three plus weeks (our extended break-up time,) both Steph and I hurt eachother multiple times in more ways than one. For the first time in my life I find I've very little support from friends - probably because I've dated most of them - and it's hard to deal with. I don't even remember where I was going with this thought, but the point is, I'm hurt, alone, and it's largely my own fault.

I've always been the kind that had to touch the flame to understand that it was hot. I've also always been the kind to keep trying something painful even for just a few minutes of beauty and enjoyment. I wouldn't say that's been working real well lately, but I wouldn't call it a complete failure.

I guess I don't really know where I'm going with this entry, I just needed to write, probably. The point is, SEA is open for new members, and I'm going to do my best not to bring them any more of those hurtful dues payments.

Motorcycle Update: 9/1/05

2005-09-01T11:55:00.000-05:00

I rode to class yesterday...what a blast. Even my moderately junkish and broken motorcycle is fun as hell. The feeling of riding is just incredible. Does anyone know what I'm talking about when I mention the sensation of feeling a vehicle? Being connected to a vehicle, such that it does your will, instead of what your arms and legs give it as input? The feeling is so present with a motorcycle that it's just undeniably enjoyable.

That said, I should be getting rid of it soon...for many reasons. My parents hate it, I'm poor (this argument works for both sides,) I love to sell things, I love to make a profit, and I may have a buyer. As sad as it is to get rid of it, I will enjoy the process of making money just based on the fact that I know when I see a deal and I'm a good salesman. It's almost as exhilerating to be good at sales as it is to ride...the feeling just doesn't last as long.

P.S. If anyone's looking for a motorcycle, I have a 1981 Yamaha XS400 for sale. It has low miles, it's in good mechanical condition, it just needs a little love in the aesthetics department.

August 14th, 2005

2005-08-14T15:19:00.000-05:00

It's time for band camp. Band camp is, in essence, my favorite week of the entire year. I've been anticipating the beginning of band season since the end of the last one. This will be my last band camp, as I will graduate before the next one. My jobs will both conflict with band camp, but I'll just have to work around that, and the Racetrack will have to bend a little so I can make it to all the necessary band activities.
Steph and I recently had a troubling night that ended with a realization of what we mean to one another, and now it seems we're doing great.
My motorcycle now runs, but it's still not consistent enough to ride, and it also needs a little bit of cosmetic work to be street legal, but I should have it in usable shape in the next few weeks. It will be very difficult to prevent myself from riding it, as I've told my mother I will do for her. I severely desire the freedom and relaxation of being on two wheels, but my mom can't handle the fact that I'm old enough to make decisions about my own risks, etc.
Anyways...I'm ready for band and ready for school.

July 7th, 2005

2005-07-07T09:36:00.000-05:00

Well, it's summer time. This is the first year in like two eons that I've actually had a summer. I must say it's kind of fun. I used to work anywhere between 60 and 80 hours a week, and I essentially had no time to spend with friends or a significant other. This year I work anywhere between 20 and 40 hours each week, depending on the hecticity of the events planned at Eagle Raceway. I get to spend more time with friends and family. It's pretty great. I also get to wake up just kind of whenever my body is bored of sleeping...it's a new experience. The downside, however, is that I've taken a major pay cut. Neither of the companies I'm working for now can pay me what Lincoln Tent used to pay, and I get literally no overtime. This translates into a few thousand dollars less than I'm used to, and working through the school year. It'll be okay, just not what I'm used to.
Steph works pretty much whenever I'm not working, so seeing her can require some scheduling acrobatics, but she's a wonderful person well worth any backbending and trapeze-flying that I can manage. (Don't look at that literally, because I can't actually do either of those things.)
I finally bought a motorcycle. I paid $75 for a 1981 Yamaha XS400. It is a modest bike, somewhere between a cruiser and a sport bike. Not incredibly powerful, and reasonably sized. Just right for a beginner. It needs a lot of work, but I should have it going before school starts, and I'm looking forward to riding it to school.
If anyone actually reads this, I'm sorry that I'm slow to update it. You may whack me with a stuffed monkey if you see fit.

Civ 3, eBay, and 2-wheeled dreams: time-killers for a lonely heart.

2005-06-07T03:30:00.000-05:00

Steph is in California this week, after having been in New York for a week. I got to spend time with her between trips, but she was only here for a few days. I miss her deeply and I think about her constantly. Fortunately, I've been able to find a few recreational activities that keep me grounded.
Shopping on eBay is always fun. Lately, I've been trying to use it to sell a few things, and also casually browsing for a motorcycle. That's another thing I do: think about motorcycles and how much I would like to own one. Lately I've been considering the possibilities of buying and selling motorcycles the way I do cars. I've heard that motorcycles sell cheaply and in hordes when the fall comes around, and then they sell for they're actual values in the summer. It seem s to me that if a person didn't mind storing and maintaining a few bikes for a little less than a year, that person could make some money. Just a few random thoughts about the things that I've been doing while Steph's away. Luckily she'll be back soon, so I can be slightly less of a geek.

Work

2005-05-23T00:56:00.000-05:00

It has been said many times and by many people, including myself from time to time: work sucks. I would like to modify that statement from myself and attempt to convince others to be more careful with their words when they talk about work.

I have two really great jobs right now, and I'm learning a lot while doing both of them. One of the most important things I'm learning from my job at the hardware store as well as from my work with the race track is that work doesn't have to suck. I absolutely love both of these jobs. Sales is turning out to be something I truly love, and for that I am glad. I love interacting with people, and that is 80% of my work for both companies. I love Marketing, which is essentially sales on the grand scale, and every part of both of my jobs is directly related to Marketing.

My two jobs have shown me that a person can find work that is enjoyable and interesting. But to be honest, I believe that even if you do not find your job particularly interesting for itself, you can still have fun working, either because the people around you are fun or because you just have a positive attitude. You don't have to have a fun job to have fun working. With the right attitude, even a demanding, time-consuming, uninteresting job - like say, tentwork - can be fun. And the right people can only make a day better.

Okay, that's enough of that for now, but speaking of the right people, Stephanie Thaden is a great person. Our trip to Colorado taught me a lot about her and a lot about my feelings for her. I think she's wonderful, and I can't get enough of her.

I miss you. Have fun in New York.

Colorado

2005-05-20T00:37:00.000-05:00

Steph and I went to Colorado this week. We spent 1 and 2 half days there, and two half days getting there. That's three days for you math majors. We spent 3 days together and it was spectacular. There is only one other person I've ever spent that much time with without wanting to get away for a day or two, and that is my dad - see my post about him from the early days of this blog. Stephanie is an incredible person, and it is because of who she is that it is so comforting and relaxing to spend time with her.

Colorado is an incredible state. I've always kind of thought of it as the Nebraska with mountains. I've been to Colorado almost countless times, but always in the winter, and always with the intent to ski. I do remember always thinking the mountains were beautiful, but I never went there with that in mind, and I never cared all that much what it looked like, just so long as I got to ski. We went to Estes Park, which is near the Rocky Mountain National Park - one of the most gorgeous places I've ever been. It is amazing that we were able to remove ourselves from that wondrous place. Animals come right up to your car, Mountains are beneath you and all around you, while streams, lakes, and rivers cover much of the surface.

Of course I brought a beautiful girl who also happens to be good company along with me, so we spent a lot of time in the national park taking in the sights and sounds. We even climbed a mountain (Elkpoo hill ascending up to Steph and Scott's Summit.) We spent some time in the actual town of Estes Park, shopping and sightseeing. We had a great time and I can't wait to go back.

I turned 21 while we were there. I still don't drink for those who might wonder.

Colorado was incredible. One of the best vacations of my life.

Amanda.

2005-04-20T17:59:00.000-05:00

A good approached me today in order to end our friendship. She was not willing to discuss the matter, only to inform me that she was no longer my friend. I assume that she no longer considers me a friend to her, on account of something I've done or said, or perhaps something that she thinks I did or said. As per usual, we must have some difference in definition. I still consider her a friend, but while I hope she'll come around and we can be friends again, I won't hold my breath. During the time I've known her, I have been more hurtful to her than to probably any other human being, but it has never been intentional, and I have always remorsed.

Goodbye, Amanda. I will miss you.

It's been awhile...again.

2005-04-18T23:20:00.000-05:00

Hello, Blog...I've missed you. Hopefully I can keep up with you for at least a little while this time.

Here's what's going on with me lately:
My dad is now the store manager of Clocktower True Value, a new hardware store on 70th and A street here in Lincoln. I've been a big part of getting it up and running, and now that it's open, helping to keep it going.

I'm also working at Eagle Raceway now. It's a paid internship. We focus on Marketing and Business. It's really cool when experienced business people ask for your opinions and ideas on Marketing and Business decisions.

In about a month, Stephanie and I are going to Estes Park Colorado. We'll be mountain biking and hiking and just having fun. If for some reason that doesn't happen, we'll be going to Winter Park in July instead.

I'm considering purchasing and riding a motorcycle, especially for school next year. Yes I know that motorcycles are incredibly dangerous, but I have reasons. If I could ride a motorcycle to school whenever it's not snowing, I could save myself hundreds of dollars on parking and gas over the course of the school year. Also, motorcycles are freakin' awesome.

Jason and I will be moving into my parents rental house in early or mid June. A bit later than we wanted, but it'll still be a great place to live with a long-time friend. We'll live there until we graduate.

Bye, Blog.

Love,
Scott

Hello Old Friend/The Daily Show

2005-03-30T01:08:00.000-06:00

Hi, people. I know it's been a really long time. There are no good excuses, but I've been very busy and I haven't had a whole lot of things worth writing about. I'll try to keep up better from now on. I'd give you an update on my life, but that's not really why I have this thing, so tough cookies.

And now for something completely different: I really like The Daily Show. I kind of miss it lately, as I haven't watched it in a few weeks, but it is just a great show. It keeps me up to date on all the relevant news, and it makes me laugh. My sense of humor is pretty warped, of course, and I know I can sit and watch it with friends and laugh twice as hard as everyone else, even if it's an episode I've already watched. Jon Stewart and his crew of writers/costars are just hilarious. TDS's combination of current events with comedy is the perfect blend to end my day (and begin my night.)

Random Driving.

2005-02-06T23:18:00.000-06:00

A few days ago, I began the 2005 season of my favorite past-time: driving for driving's sake. I just take off and drive around (sometimes in town, sometimes out) without a destination. I ended up stopping a few places just out of impulse. That's not the norm; usually I just drive and drive, and then stop only when I've reached the place from whence I began. But it was the first nice day of the year, and it was oh-so-nice. I'm looking forward to a great season of this wonderful hobby.

Pre-season news flash: In light of Nebraska DMV sanctions late in the 2004 season, Scott Bennett, the sport's leading driver, has purchased a radar detector. Experts expect to see RD's throughout the sport very soon.

I love driving.

Great friends: Greg McKnight

2005-02-01T22:59:00.000-06:00

Okay, so recently, I was reminded that even though he's a bastard in day-to-day life, Greg, my roomate and close friend, is a great guy. The other day, I dislocated my right shoulder. Greg came home to find me hunched over the island of our kitchen, trying to solve my own problem with a cell phone and a high pain threshold. I asked him to find a health-aide for me, and he promptly ran all over the building looking for one. None of them were available, but they wouldn't have been much help anyways, because a dislocated shoulder is really a bit more serious of an injury than a University Health-aide is trained to handle. I could tell upon his return that he was more worried about the situation than I was, I'm sure you can see how this is a comforting reassurance of the fact that I have a great friend in Greg, but slightly discomforting as far as his perception of my condition. I asked Greg to drive me to the nearest urgent care facility, and when we got there, they said they don't relocate joints because they're crapholes, so I had him drive me to the ER. Greg drove almost as fast as I do on a daily basis, just out of worriedness. It was funny because I could tell it was because he cared and was worried, but it actually caused just a little bit more pain because the bumps hurt at the faster speed. This was probably good, because it reminded me that I wasn't too hurt to laugh. When we got to the hospital, Greg stood by (eventually, he sat, as he's not so good at witnessing pain) while the doctor contorted my arm around and tried for 30 or so minutes to shove it into place.

Now to emphasize my point rather than talk longer about the unimportant parts: no matter how many times I've jokingly called him a bastard, Greg is really a great guy when and where it counts.

Super Mario Bros.

2005-01-24T21:34:00.000-06:00

I am the king of Super Mario Brothers. I can beat the game in ten minutes! Woohoo. What a great game.

Sideways

2005-01-24T01:30:00.000-06:00

If there is one movie that I've seen in the last year that I would recommend, it is Sideways. This was the most meaningful movie I've seen in a very long time. Sideways is filled with excellent humorous lines and a little bit of physical comedy, but this is not at all what makes this a great movie. This movie is great because it is so incredibly real. The characters do and say things that real people do and say. These are the types of characters who think of the great comeback ten minutes after the insult, just like you do.

The subject matter of the movie involves adultery and a little bit of violence and deception. In no way, however, are these things glorified, or even condoned, by the movie. When Darth Vader killed Obi Wan Kenobi, did it make you want to go out there and kill a pedagogue? No, it made you sympathetic for Obi Wan and the rebel movement. In Sideways, the adultery doesn't make you wanna go out and find a side dish, nor does the deception make you wanna go commit insurance fraud. The bad things done by the protagonists are things that real people do in the world we live in, and the story could not do without them, nor could the characters develop.

I don't really wanna give away too much of the movie, even though it's not really a plot-based story, so all I'm gonna say is that if you haven't seen Sideways, do. It is one of those precious few pieces of art that makes me want to sit down and create my own (write a story.) If you don't have the money, you can wait until I buy the DVD, and you can borrow it from me.

Jenny's a Slut.

2004-12-29T13:48:00.000-06:00

NOTE: this is not about a real person. This is about a Sim. Any Jennys, Jens, Jenns, Jenifers, etc. who may read this should not be offended, because it is unlikely that I think they are slutty. I am referring to a fictional character controlled by an AI.

My Sim was, in truest intentions, pursuing to marry what he thought was a nice young woman. Smart, beautiful, funny, and good in bed. It turns out through all of this time, Jenny was a married woman and she's been cheating on her husband without even telling my Sim that she was committed to someone else. That stupid slut should've known he'd have had sex with her even though she was married, but now he let his heart get into it, and he's devastated...poor guy. He'll have to go rob a bank or open a whorehouse or something.

Break Update/Computer Problem Warning

2004-12-22T14:20:00.000-06:00

Christmas Break is a beautiful thing...I've done essentially nothing for almost five days now and it is glorious. Because all I've been doing is replaying Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, I don't have a lot to update you on. I'm really just writing to tell anyone who cares to read this that I may not have my computer for the next few weeks. A couple of months ago, my computer started being a craphole, but because I knew I would need it for finals, I decided to wait until break to take it in for repair. Now it is break and I need to take it in for repair. You would think that the time without my computer would be something I would dread, but to be honest, save for the fact that it will cut off my main communication with some of my close friends, I don't really care. Obviously, I don't use my computer as much as I used to.

See you all soon, if I'm lucky,
Scott

Kirschbaum

2004-12-17T01:06:00.000-06:00

This is a poem by an author right here in the midwest. He seems to be very personable, as I've corresponded with him via e-mail a few times now. I read this poem months ago and fell in love with it. I will now share it with you. Please, Mr. Kirshchbaum, if you ever - for some unforseeable reason - read this, don't sue me for posting your work.

My Attempt to Slow Down the World
By Roger Kirschbaum

On the last night of visitation, we came together
in the shallow home of the much-respected physician
to down beers and close the last chapter in his father's life.
Lois, who had never learned to drive a car, sat beside
herself while we refused to tell the stories of Lyle she
so needed to hear; there were plenty of nights left for that.
Cups of coffee steamed on small plates attempting to strengthen resolve as we stood weary of our confidence in God.
Family and friends slid past each other politely, touching
hands and faces to bestow upon the other this life;
Lois touched them all-the banker, the coke dealer, the stock
broker, the candy striper, the instructor, the stripper.
In the kitchen, the physician and his brothers conferred
and a room upstairs was prepared, tables bruised into place,
lights aimed in interrogation as if to slow down the world;
fives and tens were elicited from the men who clamored
near the sink when the plan was broadcast: the stripper would strip
if we wanted her to. We held our hands open and laughed.
We are often wrong about what we think will sustain us.

I just love this poem for so many reasons that I'm not even going to try and list them.

Thank you,
Scott

The Greatest Gameshow Creation Ever: Survivor

2004-12-13T02:07:00.000-06:00

I would like to take this time to write about one of the greatest ideas ever to grace that little screen in everybody's livingroom: Survivor. Another season of Survivor has just come to a close, and once again, I marvel at the game's true glory. Survivor is arguably the best gameshow ever to hit the airwaves (yes I know that term is out of date.) What about Jeopardy? you may ask. What about Wheel of Fortune? Jeopardy tests knowledge over a broad range of topics. Wheel of Fortune tests puzzle solving abilites, word intuition, and it involves luck. There are plenty of great gameshows out there that require many things from their players, but none so outright challenging as Survivor. Survivor incorporates physical strength, leadership skills, the ability to work with a team of strangers, luck, puzzling abilites, mental strength, endurance, and public speaking. It deserves the title Survivor not only because it involves roughing it in a strange place with minimal food, but because it requires from its players the things that life requires of us.

Since the inception of Survivor, many "reality shows" have been created. The way I see it, this is because much of the initial appeal of Survivor (and all of the appeal to its MTV predecessors) was the drama. Dirty laundry and people eating fish guts really seem to tickle this country's entertainment g-spot. This is the bad side-effect of a good drug for multiple reasons, the most devastating being the effect it has on the American people as a whole. The stupidifying of television is a wicked cycle. As we watch more stupid TV, we become more and more accustomed to it, and we want more Joe Millionaire...more Fear Factor. This cycle draws America away from not only good TV, but also other, more relevant forms of entertainment. When we can see an 18 year old kid choose between three girls based on what he knows about their mother's, why read a book? When I can watch high-school seniors fuck like rabbits in Cabo San Lucas, why go to a movie, where I might actually have to think in between the sex and violence? For me, the second-to-worst part about this jump in "reality TV" is that Survivor gets grouped with these other shows. It is unfair to group a show like Survivor, which honestly tests nearly everything in its contestants, with a show like The Bachelor, which has absolutely no grounding in reality.

I would be absolutely honored and ecstatic to be a contender on Survivor. More because of the game itself than the fame or the money. I think that, along with being one of the most challenging games ever invented, it is also one of the most interesting. I would love to be on the show simply because I would love to play the game.

There is so much more to say about the game, but the only person who cares is Christy, and she already knows how great it is. So that is all. I love Survivor.

The unfinished Series Series: Vol 1: Pillars of writing.

2004-12-09T23:16:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I've got two Series that I never finished. I wrote the post on Logos first in the series because it's the most boring of the three Greek words about writing (get it...pillars, like cause the Greek people had neat columns,) my lack of motivation and excess of procrastination energy are going to force the two more interesting Pillars into one post, giving them less face time and less of my attention, but at least I'll have finished the series, right?

Like Logos, Pathos doesn't translate easily to one English word. In short, Pathos is the ability of a writer to invoke emotion in the reader. As with Logos, Pathos is not my strongest pillar. It's also not my weakest. You see Pathos in fiction more than non-fiction, but it makes its appearances in all types of writing. The parts of a Stephen King novel in which blood splatters against walls or heads dissentigrate from a gunblast utilize Pathos heavily. Love stories, obviously, are thick with Pathos. Hate literature is typically very pathos-heavy, and so is anti-hate literature. A poem about lynching, for example, no matter which side of the issue it's pressing, is likely to have a lot of Pathosful passages. This Pillar is probably the most frequently abused (see Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris.) It is easy to use blood, love, sex, and other emotion invoking content to get the reader to change his/her opinion. It's like terrorism with words instead of weaponry.

Ethos...ahh, wonderful Ethos. Ethos is an author's credibility. It is also her/his voice. When you hear a writer talking about finding their voice, they're talking about Ethos, or part of it anyway. This is the Pillar on which I place the majority of the weight of my writing. I happen to have a very distinct voice (sorta like how you can hear Amanda singing even in a large group,) I've been told by professors that my voice is as developed as their own voice was when they finally started getting published, 5, 10, 20, 30 years out of college. While Pathos is probably the most abused Pillar in general, Ethos is the one I am most prone to abusing. I find it all to easy to write something were my voice carries the whole piece. Sometimes I find that I can write something lacking in Logos or Pathos and because my voice is so strong the piece is still fun to read and a good writing. This is actually detrimental to my Ethos, because as I said at the beginning of this paragraph, my Ethos is my credibility. Voice is perhaps the largest piece of Ethos, but not the only piece. Ethos is where my analogy to Pillars kind of falls apart, because credibility relies on the other two pillars, as well as several other factors. For example, both Ethos and Logos lean on the mini-pillar of references. Good references increase ones Ethos by banking on the Ethos of another, and the Logos by giving the writer a good basis for his/her logic.

Now to sum things up because I'm getting bored and I really want to post this tonight. Logos - reasoning on paper. Pathos - use of emotion, Ethos - voice and overall credibility. A good piece of writing doesn't necessarily need all of these, and a piece of writing with reasonable good Logos, Pathos, and Ethos isn't necessarily a great piece of writing, but they're a good place to start and they're fun to think about.

Sports

2004-12-08T09:22:00.000-06:00

Everyone knows that I'm super cool, and I am an all-American hero. Obviously, this makes me a superhero. Sadly - I SlowerMan - unlike SuperMan (SuperMen B, C, and D included), I have multiple kryptonic weaknesses. The obvious being my addictions to cars and diet pop. Another, however, is the ability of games and sports to draw me in. As a child, I never really liked sports, who knows why. If I had to make a guess I would say it's because I was never athletic enough to be a real contender in any sport. Anyways, as I grew in age, I began to enjoy Husker football (a sickening vice these days.) At this point, it wasn't really the game itself I enjoyed (I never watched games in which Nebraska wasn't playing,) but really the attraction of having a team to identify with.

To shorten the story, by the time I got to college, I still didn't really like any sport besided Husker football. As you may know, another of my crippling vices is band. Being in Marching Band, I get a manditory free ride to every home football game at Nebraska. As the years go by, I find myself more and more interested in the game itself. I've enjoyed the game for what it is for years now, but I've only recently started taking enough of an interest to watch a game where I have no affiliation to either team. A few weeks ago I found myself switching between NETV, where the class C State High School football championship was showing, and another station, where Kansas State vs. Iowa State was on. I was interested in the games for their competitive quality, as I have no affiliation to any of the four teams I was watching.

Another example: When I got to the University, I was rather uninterested in any sport other than football, as I've said. Because of this, I didn't sign up for the Volleyball/Basketball pep band my freshman year. For some reason or another, probably because I really love to play mediocre arrangements of rock songs on my trombone, I signed up sophomore year. When the volleyball season started, I was interested in the activity on the court only because there were women in very tight shorts running around and being all hot and stuff. This is where I found that my weakness is not just to football, but to competitive athletics of all kinds. As I watched the volleyball team play match after match and do well, I started to fall in love with the sport itself, instead of just Dani Busboom. This year the volleyball team is doing exceptionally, and could very well make it all the way.

When basketball season started, the same scenario occured, except this time, the teams I was rooting for were not powerhouses in their sports. Nebraska is typically a national power, and when I began enjoying Nebraska football, they were in the title game several years in a row. Nebraska is also a volleyball power, and so it's easy to fall for Husker volleyball, but basketball is the true test of my enjoyment of sports. The Nebraska Women's Basketball team is a team on the rise, and they've got a good shot at going farther than they ever have before, but by no means are they an established powerhouse. This state has few expectations for its Men's basketball team. If we beat a couple good teams at home and end up with a reasonable record, our fans are happy. Somehow, as I watched these two basketball teams play their hearts out all season on the main court of the Bob Devany Sports Center, I couldn't help but enjoy the spirit of it all.

Sports captivate me and I am powerless to resist, even my superhuman Slowerness cannot break the magnetic pull of a good competitive game.

School, Success, and Scott

2004-12-03T11:50:00.000-06:00

Recently, my parents - the people who pay for a large portion of my living expenses, including many of my school bills - have decided to press the issue of my future degree. I am an English major, and the common perception is that a degree in English (or any other field not directly linked to a cubicle job right out of the box) is useless. There are many reasons for this, but that's not really what I want to talk about right now. Maybe I'll drift over to that accidentally later on, but what I want to talk about is the fact that there is pressure everywhere for me to fit into the norm for twenty-year-old male white kids so I can more easily fit into the norm for forty-year-old male white kids when that time comes. Truth be told, however, I don't like the mores that are thrust upon us, and I don't want to sell out to that.

Me and Employeeship: Having a job sucks. I've only had about an on-and-off five year run-in with the life of an employee, and I hate it. It's not the hard work that bother's me most, and it's not the smaller earning potential. The thing about being an employee is that when you sell your time and skills to someone else, you're working towards someone else's dream, not your own. Sure, employee ship can help you purchase that picket fence to wrap around your medium white house and keep your golden retriever in your yard, and that can be a dream, but what about your economic dreams? What about your ideals about the "real world?" It just seems to me that if my twenty-two years worth of education has been leading up to a job behind someone else's desk in someone else's big ol' building pushing a pen with someone else's name on it, then no thank you, I'll take my "useless" degree.

My parents want me to be a teacher (or really anything but an English major.) Truth is though, I don't want to be a teacher. Sure they get three months off, and sure I'd be good at it, and hell, I'll even say it would be fun at times, but here's the crappy part: I have no strong desire to become a teacher, and the teacher's college here at UN-L won't even talk to me because of my somewhat unorthodox philosophy on grades (which I'm sure would fit in ever so well at Blank Blank High School, Blanktown, America.)

I do realize that I will need to utilize employeeship as a stepping stone to some form of income I deem worthy (business ownership or residual income i.e. writing novels.) I think I have the charisma and skills to shine in any interview room, and I think it's obvious that a degree in English can only hone those skills, perhaps better than any other degree offered at my wonderful school of choice.

Now to wrap this up because the therapy is over and I'm now tiring of writing it: I want to change the way the current "real world," crushes the average American, or falling short of that, at least show that I can prevent that from happening to me.

Traveling

2004-11-22T10:33:00.000-06:00

I love to travel. I like it so much I even like doing it for work (for those of you who don't know, I hate working at Lincoln Tent.) I could be happy just traveling forever with a two-seater and a close companion. I like hotels, I like the road, I love driving, I like eating at places I've never eaten, I like eating at places in other towns that I've eaten and enjoyed, and I really love to drive. I don't care where I'm going really, just so long as there's engine noise, a radio, and some scenery to look at (plains can be pretty, and therefore they count.) That's pretty much all I have to say about that, but I really enjoy traveling.

2004-11-18T20:46:00.000-06:00

You Are a Snarky Blogger!

You've got a razor sharp wit that bloggers are secretly scared of.
And that's why they read your posts as often as they can!

What kind of blogger are you?

haha...yeah right.

Brass

2004-11-18T14:35:00.000-06:00

I like music an awful lot, performing as well as listening. There are a lot of types of music that I like to listen to, but we won't get into that right now. Right now I just wanna talk about music with brass in it. Something about the sounds produced by trumpets, trombones, tubas, bugles and anything else brassy just pulls me in. I think the best example of how much I like the brass sound occurred the time I went to a live Ska concert. I'd never heard of this band, and I didn't even know they were a ska band, I just knew they were a modernish rock group and they were playing at Knickerbockers and an old friend from high-school wanted me to go. I went to the concert, and loved the driving guitar, bass, and drum rhythms, the vocalist was energetic and fun, but the horns weren't very audible. I could tell they were playing loud, and I could tell by their dancing that their music was energetic, but I could just barely hear them. Long story short, I stayed and enjoyed the concert, and then payed $20 for two CD's (maybe 18 songs) just so I could hear the horn lines. It turned out to be one of the best musical investments I've ever made. Not only is Suburban Legends now one of my favorite bands, but they were my gateway into the entire Ska genre. I probably have 70 Ska songs in my collection now.
Another of my favorite types of music is Neo-Swing. Like Ska, it is typically very driving and energetic. Unlike Ska, however, it takes its roots from Swing - actually all Jazz, but mostly Swing - instead of rock. Neo-Swing bands usually feature a vocalist over a group of horn players and a Jazz rhythm section. Some bands - Royal Crown Revue, for instance - actually improvise when performing live, this is just a part of the Jazz roots.
I really like anything with a lot of brass in it, to be honest. Marching Bands are as much fun to watch as they are to perform in. Jazz ensembles are always a great source of horniness. When lead by a competent director with a good sense of what the audience wants to hear, Wind Ensembles and Symphony Orchestras can be very fun to listen to as well.
In short, I love the brass sound.

Video games are cool.

2004-11-17T10:24:00.000-06:00

I really like video games. A couple times a year I have little periods of a few months where I get back in touch with my nerdy inner child and remember how much I really like video games. Be it on the NES of yore, or the XBox of...newity, video games just have the ability to captivate my attention. Perhaps I like them so much because typically video games combine gameliness and storyness. You see, games of all types are fun for me, and for my money, there's nothing like a good story.

A few personal favorites:
-Mario Kart 64
-Starfox 64
-F-Zero
-Shining Force 2 (Sega Genesis)
-Anything by Westwood for the PC
-Ditto for Blizzard
-The NES was just a good system all around...even the crappy games rock.
-Okay, this list would be really long...nevermind.

On an entirely unrelated note, I'm sorry I haven't posted anything in a few days. :-)

A Reading Recommendation: The Dark Tower

2004-11-10T14:47:00.000-06:00

If I could recommend one book to everyone, it would be Orson Scott Card's Ender's Game. If I could recommend seven, it would be Stephen King's The Dark Tower. Stephen King's latest (and probably last) novel was the conclusion to his epic series, The Dark Tower. The series begins with one of the greatest opening lines I've ever read, and as far as I'm concerned, it only gets better. I have yet to read the seventh book, so I can give no review of it, but I can say with all conviction that The Gunslinger, The Drawing of the Three, The Wastelands, Wizard and Glass, Wolves of the Calla, and the first two thirds of Song of Susannah are excellent writing, and if you like to read - and hell, even if you're Greg - you should embark on this journey and learn the story of ka, as well as the story of Roland Deschain of Gilead.

The Three Pillars of Writing. Vol 1: Logos.

2004-11-09T01:15:00.000-06:00

There are three pillars that hold up a piece of writing. These three pillars are best described by the Greek, because the equivalent English definitions take up paragraphs of space. The pillar on which I will discourse in this post is Logos.
In short, Logos is the author's ability to reason on paper; that is, the logic that the author uses to get his/her point across to the reader. This is the weakest area in my own writing. Creating persuasive logic without over-assuming is something I struggle with when writing persuasive or informative essays. The quality of an author's Logos is determined by her/his ability to not only convince the audience using passages of logic, but to do so with honesty. Often, a passage of logical conjectures can be very persuasive without being true. If the first assumption of a long passage of otherwise legitimate persuasive logic is flawed - either deliberately so or not - then that entire passage of logic is dishonest. This is bad Logos. A writer should respect the reader, and so should be honest in his or her persuasive techniques.
A passage of Logos can fall prey to any number of other logical fallacies also. I've forgotten the names and details of most of the logical fallacies, but we all learned about them in eleventh grade English, and we all know that they are numerous and not scarce in writing that we read on a regular basis.
That's all on Logos for now, thank you for reading this boring post, if you made it this far.

Cars

2004-11-07T21:01:00.000-06:00

I have a confession to make: despite my attempts to be non-materialistic, I love cars. When a sweet car drives by, I just can't help but look. Stare even. Few concepts interest me more than the mechanics of combustion engines, and few objects are more beautiful to me than artistically shaped polished metal on four wheels. Even though they're typically faster, I don't think motorcycles are as cool as cars, probably because of the fact that there's less sheet metal for me to oggle...I don't know. Don't get me wrong there...lately I've been wanting a motorcyle, just not as much as I want another car.
It's not just looks that draw me to cars, though, cars appeal to all of my senses. The smells are quite divine to me...even the ones that mean bad things. I just love car smells. Gasoline, oil, rubber, burnt oil, burnt rubber. Man...I just love car smells. Car sounds are pretty great too. The deep rumble of a big engine and the higher whine of a high-revving engine both appeal to me greatly. The best car sound, though, is a sound that not all cars get the priviledge of making. The sound of the turbocharger is just a beautiful sound. To me, it sounds like a tiny trombone and a tiny little trombonist. The mini-boner puts his slide down in seventh position, and as the turbo spools up, he does a high-pitched glissando to first position, where he holds the note until the driver lets go of the gas pedal...a beautiful sound.
Okay, so I guess cars don't appeal to all of my senses...I've never tasted a car, but some of them have pretty delicious-looking paint.
The feeling I get when in hard acceleration, be it forward or sideways, is just a great and exhilirating feeling. Maybe Amanda could tell you what brain chemicals are being released in me when I make the tires bark and then let the car just unroll itself as fast as it can. Whatever chemicals those are...they should bottle that shit. I just can't help myself when there's space enough for me to accelerate, I just have to do it. Even better still is the feeling I get when participating in an illegal race. I'm not sure if it's because of the forbiddenness or the competitiveness, but it's a good feeling. It could be the same feeling I get from the wild driving, just amplified.

Anyways, I love cars.

Out.

Sculpting Experience.

2004-11-03T09:38:00.000-06:00

Clarification: my father never played professional baseball, and he has nothing to do with the world series.

All of us experience things that change who we are. I think everyone is a product of their life experiences, and I think everyone has one or two experiences that had a big hand in shaping their personality. One experience in general has made me who I am, and it's something I think only a dismal number of my friends know about. It's something I've written about many times, but instead of copying and pasting it for your benefit, I'm going to rewrite it for my own benefit. This will be the abridged version of this story...sorry, but if I were to write out the whole thing, you wouldn't want to read it, because it would be very long.

When I was thirteen years old, my grandparents told my parents they wanted to take my brother, Craid, and myself on vacation with them to their timeshare cabin in Rapid City, South Dakota. We left Lincoln on August tenth of 1997. We stopped in Valentine, Nebraska that evening and checked every hotel for a vacancy while it rained on us. We ate dinner at what my father's parents liked to call the "Fill 'er up and keep on truckin' cafe," because it reminded them of the cafe in some ancient Wonder bread commercials, and it even has some dead Wonder bread trucks around back.
The next morning, we ate at the F'UAKOTC, and then continued on towards Rapid City. We stopped way too many times, even for my thirteen-year-old's travel sense. We stopped to use the restroom, we stopped at Wall Drug (always a good time,) and later, we stopped for lunch at a Dairy Queen.
Despite our huge number of stops, we reached Rapid City in the early afternoon, where Craig and I quickly unpacked our things and then set out to climb to the top of the rocky mesa behind the cabin. Grandpa had suggested a certain route to the top, but it looked to difficult for our tastes, so we just started walking and found our own route. I'm almost positive it was more difficult than the one we avoided, but it was more fun because we got to choose it ourselves as we went.
When we reached the flat gound at the top of the plataeu, we wandered around taking in the scenery for a few minutes, and then set to finding an easier way down. We ended up looking for a place to climb down for quite a long time. Longer than both the climbing and the looking around up top combined. We just couldn't find anywhere to come down that felt safe. After probably forty minutes of searching, Craig found a place that I thought looked a little unsafe, but we decided to try it anyway, and because I was the big brother, I decided it would be best if I went first. We had to climb down a vertical face about 15 feet to a path that would wind us right back on down to the cabin with minimal climbing. I got about one body length down vertical rocky surface, and I knew I couldn't go any farther. I climbed back up the face. Craig tried climbing down the same spot. Why I let him, I don't know. He got about as far as I did, but because he was only eleven, his body was farther from the top. He tried to take one more step and then he began to panic as he couldn't find anything else to hold on to. He started slipping from the rocks he was standing on and holding on to. I tried to reach down to help pull him up, but I could not reach him from where I was. My brother fell fifteen feet to the path below, and hit the ground rolling. The expression on his face was one I'd never seen before, and one I hope never to see on another face in my lifetime. No actor in any thriller has ever depicted horror in the raw and intense way that my brothers face showed it, and for that I am glad. As I sat there thinking about the horrified look on my brother's face, he rolled off the path and fell another fifty feet to his death.

The story does not end here, but I'm going to stop writing now, because the experience I mean to speak of is my brother's death, not the adrenaline rush I experienced as I tried to get help to him, and not the feelings of helplessness I felt for the rest of that day. On August 11th, 1997, I realized that life is not only precious, but unpredictable. My brother's death brought to my attention the fact that any one of us could be gone tomorrow, and because of that, I am a Slower. Because I could die any time, any day, I make sure to enjoy every moment that I can possibly can. This doesn't mean I never have crappy things happen to me, it just means that on those occasions when crappy things happen, I make the best of it. It also means that I don't do things that make me sad, angry, or bored. Translation: I do a minimal amount of homework, because in the end, my Calculus grade is of little consequence, regardless of when that end comes.

I consider this one experience to be the very basis for my personality. Or course there were other important shaping experiences in my life, but this is the one that gave me the basis of the philosophies by which I live today.

Thoughts on Food Consumption.

2004-10-27T22:35:00.000-05:00

First off, upon reading the title of my last post, I see the need to clarify: my father never played professional baseball, and was definitely never in the World Series. In related news, baseball sucks.
Okay, on to the post:

"Eating Right" is supposedly good for you. I would like to argue that health and goodness are not directly proportionate. Obviously, healthiness is good...there's no doubt about that. I don't think though, that healthiness is necessarily more important than eating what you want.

For me, it is more important to enjoy my meals, than to worry about the future of my arteries, weight, and/or cholesterol. Personally, I'd rather eat all the french fries and candy I want than waste time worrying about healthiness. Truth of the matter is exercise is more important than diet anyways. I believe if you exercise frequently enough, and with enough vigor, you're going to be healthier than if you "eat right" but don't exercise. Either way, I don't eat all that well, and I don't exercise enough. I'm glad I'm a Slower, but perhaps my body wishes I were a faster.

Great Slowers of the World Series: My Dad.

2004-10-25T10:13:00.000-05:00

Glenn Bennett is not just my dad. He is a friend, a mentor, and a partner in crime. There are few people with whom I've spent more time, but that is quite fitting, because spending time with my father is a refreshing break from the harsh world we often call "reality," or "the real world." This is rather ironic, because this "real world" has victimized him into a life of hard labor. Partly because of his own choices - some good and some bad - and partly because of dumb luck, my father has been working for the same employer for over thirty years. My Dad's job is hard on his body and his sanity, but because he's not the kind of person to let hard times get him down, he's one of the happiest people I know. Many people with a gravy jobs have a lot less fun with their lives than my dad. This is what makes him a slower. He can push through the mess of what, upon description, most people would describe as a hard life. He doesn't believe the world when they tell him his career path is that of the failure, and he doesn't care if it's true. He can make the funniest joke from the unlikeliest occurences, and he can make an old joke funny again, just with the way he tells it. I guess I haven't really asked him, but I think his happiness comes from the fact that he's made all the choices that got him to where he is, and even if his job sucks, he's got a lot of great things in the other parts of his life, and he has worked hard for them. My father has been a huge part of making me who I am, and he has taught me more life lessons than I even wish to know.

A slower's salute to Glenn Bennett.

A short-short by Scott Bennett: Swim Sweet Swim

2004-10-24T11:35:00.000-05:00

Fiction writers call them short-shorts, and poets call them prose poems. Whatever you wanna call this one, here it is:

Janet climbed the 10-step ladder up to the new springboard in her backyard. When she reached the end of the green fiberglass plank, Janet looked out over the still, blue surface with anticipation. Janet had dreamed and dreamed about this moment since childhood, and now, thanks to the Kansas State lottery, it was real. Janet jumped straight up, then bounced and pressed her self forward off the board. She turned her head down and straightened her arms, allowing her body to follow; diving expertly into the cool blue raspberry JELL-O below.
The cold, sugary soliquid broke into smooth, comforting chunks as her eager, streamlined body cut through it. When she reached the bottom, Janet swooped upward and, with a great but graceful effort, pulled herself to the surface of the desserted pool, opening her mouth as she went in order to receive a helping of the sweet, gelatinous substance around her. She stood in the shallow end of her new pool for minutes, breathing in the scent of artificial blue raspberry with large glups of air and admiringly observing the beautiful arcing path her body had cut into the sapphire gelatin.
Janet Elmers layed back in the JELL-O and pulled forcibly with her right hand, then her left, and then right again, kicking fiercely all the while, expertly executing the backstroke.

A Poem on Autumn. (Needs a title if you have suggestions)

2004-10-21T13:30:00.001-05:00

"Hello?"
"Hello, Summer?" he said, "Is Fall around?"
"She's only answering to her given name this year."
"Okay...is Autumn around?"
"Nope, just left."
"Will you take a message?"

"Your eyes: honeydew.
Your hair: leafy red.
Your skin: fading brown grass.
Your fingers: dark and slender, reach for the clouds.
Your lips: the cold, wet gala.
Your blood: the warm, 80 proof cider
My bittersweet, I have Fallen for you."

"Thanks, Summer."
"Any Time."

Oh, to be a slower.

2004-10-19T18:41:00.000-05:00

Slower(n.) - One who moves slower than the normal pace of life.

Slower is my title, thanks to Greg, my close friend and now roomate. Of course, to him, it's not so much of a good thing, both because he holds a different connotation and because even with my own connotations, slowerdom is not what Greg sees as a good thing. Nevertheless, I embrace this title because of what it means to me.
To me, to be a slower is to be a person too strong to get caught by the strong current of society. I move at my own pace, in my own direction, and with my own motives. For me, love is the most important thing one can pursue. I define Love - the love we share with that one special person - as the most important form of love. Money and material posessions, while attractive to me, take a back seat to love, which is the vehicle driven by Love.
For Greg, a slower is a fool and a person with sub-par intelligence. For me, it is a person with any level of intelligence who chooses to diverge from the normal societal course, or who chooses to take such a course at their own, slower pace. For me, and those blessed few others I would consider slowers, Slowerdom is a thing of pride.
In these few paragraphs, I've not even begun to touch on the thoughts and feelings I have about the word Slower, but I needed a first entry, and now I need to be going.